A story not just about surviving under the weight of expectations, but about embracing ourselves.
Everyone longs to be understood and wants to find their voice, but these things don’t always come easily. That’s especially true for Jobert E. Abueva in his unguarded memoir, Boy Wander. From Manila in the very early 1970s to Michigan in the 1980s, Jobert’s tireless story extends from his formative years to the relief realized as he enters college. In those days, the Philippines was in a state of political upheaval and, although affluent, the Abueva family was not free from these pressures. Still, for young Jobert, external problems would never eclipse the growing turmoil in his impressionable young heart. A dramatic prologue smacks readers in the face with an encounter that could never be erased from Jobert’s mind. Unfortunately, this is not the only time Jobert is sexually exploited by unconscionable adults with no regard for another human being’s emotional, mental, or physical welfare. This lewd imposition sets him on a path of sexual awareness and reckless behavior that is constantly at odds with his religious upbringing.
While his powerful father is overseas and his mother is consumed with managing their large household, Jobert laments that he never feels entirely comfortable with anyone except the household staff. In this telling moment, readers become fully invested in the future happiness of this vulnerable little boy. Sexuality as perceived through the eyes of a child is explored in raw detail, including his perception of others, growing self-awareness, intimate discoveries among his peers, and his foray into sexual entrepreneurship. Not wanting to disappoint his family, Jobert struggles with his identity as he comes to accept his overwhelming attraction to men at a time when being gay was not socially acceptable.
At first glance, the cover looks plain, innocent, even. After reading the book, the image takes on many shades of meaning and is clever, poignant, and portends anything but innocence. Without a hint of malice or animosity toward those who are unlikely to accept his lifestyle, Abueva’s perspective as a kid leading a secret life is both sad and refreshing. Though his views have forcibly been shaped by abuses, living and traveling internationally exposes Jobert to new cultures and ideas, as well as opportunities for connection. And while a committed relationship without condition eludes him, Jobert never has a shortage of trysts to keep him distracted from the guilt he feels as he comes to terms with who he truly is. From Filipino pride to gay pride, Boy Wander is a story not just about surviving under the weight of expectations, but about embracing ourselves, even when love eludes us.
